There are times when it’s important to jump off a cliff. To venture into the unknown and act on faith. When that happens it’s important to realize what is going on. You are on an adventure that is out of your control, and most likely you will have no idea what the true outcome will be.
It’s important to have faith in your ability to cope and to grow. It’s okay to be scared and frightened. These are normal, everyday sane responses. Once you realize that you have no control, you don’t know where you’re going and you really don’t know where you’re going to end up, then the fear and terror will ease up and you will discover a sense of peace.
This sense of peace is an act of faith. There are two ways of looking at it.
One is through the eyes of a terrified child reflecting upon his childhood pain and suffering. Maybe the child will flash back to a memory of an alcoholic parent suddenly screaming and yelling at the child. Maybe there will be something else deep down inside that triggers a pain of years gone by.
The second way is through the eyes of a child going to somewhere fun and exciting, like Disneyland. Your inner child does not know what rides it will take, but the child knows it will have a great time. When that child steps into this place of faith, of wide-eyed hope, then the possibilities will open up.
It’s hard to set aside the fear and pain of years gone by. For a lot of us it is not natural. It is a struggle. Each of us must look around and notice the places in our lives where our response tends to be out of fear, terror, or some other emotion that robs us of happiness and joy. We need to search inside for this child who looks at the world with the eyes of fear. We need to sit down, pick him/her up, and hug that little is child inside of us. We need to visually, kinesthetically hold and care and love that child. Let the child know that he/she made it; that it is big, that it is strong, that it is 1000 times more powerful than a little child that you’re hugging.
For some of us jumping off a cliff can be as simple as saying hello to a stranger. For some of us jumping off a cliff can be starting a new job. We all have certain times in our life where we venture into the unknown. It is okay to be a little bit afraid, but it is not okay to be paralyzed by our fear.
Life is about stepping into the unknown, stretching into new places in our lives, and finding places for hope and love that we may expand to and embrace.
The hardest part about a job interview is that it is basically a blind date. You have all your hopes and expectations out in the open and exposed to the world around you. You’re not sure what to wear, how to act, or what to say. Your hands are sweaty your mouth is dry and sometimes your stomach has butterflies. As you prepare for the job interview you are in a state of fear and panic since you have so much on the line. You have your future on the line. With all your heart you are hoping that you will find the perfect match.
This is even worse than a blind date. You only have a couple minutes to make a good impression to shine above all the other suitors. As you walk into the room you find yourself asking am I to old, am I too young, and I overeducated, or undereducated, do I have too much experience or not enough? The questions and fears continue to grow. At least with a blind date most of the time you get something to eat or a bit of coffee to drink and you have more than a few minutes to overcome a not-too-perfect beginning.
Anna was in mortal fear of job interviews and all the pressure surrounding them. She was highly competent in her career, but whenever she was required to go on a job interview all her fears of being unwanted, unloved and not good enough surfaced. The stress of trying to be perfect was overwhelming to the point that it made her ill.
Because Anna only had a short time for her next job in view we had to concentrate on reframing what it meant to go on job interviews. In reframing the idea is to come up with a different point of view when the situation arises. For Anna we reframed the job interview as an opportunity to find her perfect job.
As in blind dating, if you knew that you were going to go on 10 blind dates and somewhere in that 10 you would find the love of your life, would you really mind that the first blind date had bad breath and dandruff? After one or two of these blind dates your confidence would improve because you’d be comfortable about walking away from a bad partnership. A part of you would understand that the first couple of blind dates were needed to get you to your true love and that if you never took a chance, you could never find the job you were meant to have.
In Anna’s case it took her five job interviews to get the position that she truly wanted. She felt comfortable enough to understand that she was worth waiting for the right job opportunity. As you move forward it is important to remember that in all blind dates or job interviews you are going to have to look at a few losers so that can find the winner you truly deserve.
If you have ever searched through books, gone to seminars and spent hundreds of dollars to find the key to love, happiness and success, then this article is for you.
Some of us look around and try to find the best and simplest way to improve ourselves. We look for ways of finding greater happiness and more profound love both for ourselves and those around us. We can spend many years searching books, going to seminars, and paying thousands of dollars hoping to find the key; the key that allows ourselves to be safe and also allows our self to achieve our heart’s desires.
This is the most profound lesson I can teach anyone. It is simple. It is effective. And most importantly it works.
The first step is to divide the world into three categories.
Those people, things, opportunities, and situations that make you MORE.
Those people, things, opportunities, and situations that make you LESS.
Those people, things, opportunities, and situations that are NEUTRAL.
Making you more
Have you ever talked to someone for just a few minutes and walked away smiling; knowing that they made a difference in your life for the better? It could be as simple as a bank teller smiling at you and thanking you for being in the customer. It can be as profound as finding your soul mate. It could be your best friend. We all run into people and situations that make us better, happier people inside.
The object is to recognize instantaneously when you run into someone who makes you more; makes you happier, more joyful, or more filled with love. Learn to recognize these people, these situations, these opportunities that make you better, that make you more.
Making you less
These are the people that will put you down, that will drain your energy, and/or enjoy stabbing you in the back. After talking to this person for a few minutes you feel less. You feel less safe, less trusting, you doubt yourself, you don’t have as many smiles as you did before you met them. We need to be aware of the people that make us less.
We all have family members that fall in this category. These are the family members that no matter how hard you try, they will never be satisfied, and your efforts will never be good enough. Their joy in life is based on making your life miserable. It doesn’t matter whether or not it’s your mother or father, your husband or wife, boss, a co-worker, or your next-door neighbor. There are also jobs that drain you. You count the minutes until your done and you can go home to recover.
By learning to recognize those that make you less, you are giving acknowledgment and safety to yourself, and your subconscious. You recognize the fact that some people are better left alone. It is not your job to fix them, to understand them, or take on their burden.
When you recognize someone who makes you less the question then becomes whether or not you walk away. Sometimes you won’t be able to. He/she may be a teacher for class you have to take; she may be your mother in law that you have to invite over once a year for Christmas. Knowledge is power. As long you know someone or something will make you less you have the power to handle it.
The example of neutral
These are people and situations that really don’t make a difference in your life one way or another. Realistically most of the people and situations that you run into will fall into this category. The people you walk by on the street, the classmates you never talk to, the stranger sitting next to you at the lunch counter, and the person driving behind you when you trying to get home from work. They are all people that are neutral. Going to a store to pick up milk will be most likely a neutral experience. This is okay.
The goal is that any time a new person walks in your life you can consciously decide whether or not they fall into more, less, or neutral. Don’t think about it. Don’t debate about it. Don’t come up with adult reasoning for your decision. Simply honor the fact that this person or situation is more, less, or neutral. This is your subconscious talking. This is your gut talking. This is a part of you that demands you to be safe.
Start by thinking of all your friends, and family, coworkers and life decisions. Are they more, less, or neutral? If you want to find true love, find the person that makes you more over 90% of the time. Practice is the key. Honoring your answers is the key. Dividing the world into those that make you more, those that make you less, and those that are neutral is the key.
Americans spend an estimated $33 billion annually on weight loss foods, products, and services. The struggle for weight loss is becoming a national obsession consuming billions of dollars, countless hours of TV programming and stacks and stacks of books.
What we tend to forget is up until a few decades ago no one had a weight problem. Throughout the history of mankind the only time anyone went on a diet was during a famine. The heavier you were, the more voluptuous you were, the wealthier you were and the more successful your husband was. All of a sudden being skinny has become popular. We’ve developed countless diets, exercise routines, and societal disapproval to produce the modern way of weight loss.
The modern way generally starts like this – you set a goal that’s not based on reality but on wishful thinking and fantasy. You decide to go on a diet. Meals are skipped to decrease your calorie intake and it works. The pounds come off. You start feeling good and getting compliments.
After a little bit however, you hit a plateau and stop losing weight. The goal of your dreams is still out of reach so you cut back your food intake and calories even more. And again, it works. The pounds come off, the dress size decreases; success is around the corner.
Then you hit another plateau. So after more frustrated introspection you decrease your calorie count even more. Finally you hit your goal; the dream weight that you had 5 -10- 15 years ago. Life is good; the problem is you’re not eating anything. Your calorie count is next to nothing so you decide to eat healthy, to eat smart, and to eat less than when you first went on a diet. Before you know it, your weight starts piling on. You are eating less, you are eating healthy and you keep on gaining weight.
After a while you get depressed and angry, so you cheat. You eat the foods you know you shouldn’t and the weight keeps on coming back more and more. In many cases you end up weighing more than before you started your diet. This is the modern way of weight loss.
The reason for this unwanted weight gain even after you’ve cut your calories down and you are eating less is because of the decrease of your rate of metabolism. Remember, genetically speaking the only time anyone went on a diet was during a famine. So during periods of decreased food supply, our body automatically slows down our metabolism for survival. The more that we cut back on our food intake the slower our metabolism performs. This response is built into our DNA.
The solution is simple; make sure that when we go on a diet our metabolism does not change. This is why it is strongly suggested to eat five or six times a day. The metabolism does not count calories. It is only concerned about starvation. So by eating 5 -6 mini meals a day, we are informing our metabolism and our brain that our food supply is in great abundance, that it is never ending. And above all, we are safe. By doing many meals we avoid our genetic knee-jerk survival famine mechanism. The bottom line for losing weight is simply eat less calories than you use in everyday life, keep your metabolism steady and be ok with the new you.
Every business professional encounter stress that is unique to his/her profession. Luckily the steps to manage or even overcome that stress are easy for any professional. By using NLP techniques, Dr. H. Christian Gunderson will show you unique and effective ways to handle stress.
It’s hard growing up different. To know as a child you don’t fit in with your friends and family. To know there’s something off about you, not quite right. It is a difficult path to walk. Trying to be true to an inner voice that no one else can hear and that you don’t fully understand.
One solution is to grab as many friends (who are as broken as we are) to have around us. The more people we have telling us that we are loved and have worth the better you feel. For a short time. The difficulty with this is that the more people in the outside world who tell you that you are worth something, the less you will feel worthy inside. So often you see the famous surrounded by more and more entourage being paid to tell them that they are indeed worthy of all the fame, riches and power surrounding them.
However, the deeply lonely child filled with pain knows better. She knows deep down she is not worthy of love. She is not worthy of fame. She is just not worthy. For some the choice is to implode; to rush in to the pain,to create drug abuse and other self destructing avenues.
You have a few choices. The first one is to go deep down inside. To touch. To hold. To love her inner, lonely child. To say to her that she made it. That she is safe. That it is okay to be different. To have a different path. That is okay to be afraid. That there is a big one who made it.
As you hold your inner child fill it with love. Fill it with what that child was missing when it was little. When it was helpless. When it was alone.
The second choice is to find your center as an adult and understand your uniqueness as a person. That you alone bring a special gift to the world and people around you that no one else can provide. That only you can touch someone else in a unique and special way.
Those of us that walk a different path or see the world in a different light are the trail blazers. We show the world a different path paved with our tears, suffering, and sometimes blood. We are the ends of the spectrum of what it is to be normal. We are the guideposts from which everyone else can find their way.
Take a second, take a minute, and ask yourself what are your gifts. What makes you unique and special? And when you get that answer, hold it close. Hold it in your heart. Carry it with you like a shield. Carry it with you like a beacon of light and hope. Remember, the world needs your gift.
Have you tried using The Secret to attract money only to find that it didn’t quite work the way you wanted? By using simple NLP techniques, Dr. H. Christian Gunderson will show you how your subconscious can block the attraction of money and how to overcome these blocks.
Step three: Overcoming the pain. This step is best accomplished in smaller baby steps.
First, let go of the anger and pain at your parents. Your parents did the best that they could, even if the best was broken and abusive. It is not your job to be their judge and jury. It is just your job to let go of the pain.
Next, truly understand that your own abuse and addictions are symptoms of deeper pain based on your childhood. Yes, you need to take care of your symptoms by going to whatever rehab you can, but healing your abused inner child is the key to positive change. Remember, as an adult you have thousands times more options than a two or three-year-old child at the mercy of abusive parents.
Finally, take Baby steps. Understand that you are in pain and that it will take time to heal the parts of you that are abused and traumatized. Visualize the child giving back the burden and suffering like a huge weight off your shoulders. Back to the parents so they in turn can pass the weight back to their parents and grandparents back in time. Visualize the burden going back. Back to your parents. Back to you grandparents. Back to your great grandparents. On and on to the beginning of time.
We are all tied to our parents and ancestors. We cannot escape from our personal history. The question now is how do we decide to move forward? Do we decide to pass our abuse and pain to our children and our grandchildren? Or do we say “enough.” Enough of the burden. I believe it is time to let go of the burden. It wasn’t ours to begin with. We no longer need it. Let us be free of it.
Step two: Once you hit a point of acknowledging that you carry pain and suffering around, your question is what do you do? By acknowledging your own addiction and abuse it gives you power to move forward. You have to hit a point of reality. You have to take a look at your life and decide you deserve a better one. You need to acknowledge the pain and anger inside of you for the person you have become, but more importantly for the little child inside of you still longing to be loved and still hoping for parents who do hold them the way they know they should be held.
Your pain is not only a part of who you are, but also part of your family history. Alcoholism, drug abuse, physical and mental abuse all tend to go back generations. An abusive father raises an abusive son. A victimized mother raises a victimized daughter. An alcoholic father has a drug addicted, alcohol son.
The question is, how do we break the cycle? How do we step away from the pain, torture, passed on by our fathers, mothers, grandfathers and grandmothers? The first step is to understand the reasons behind the pain. The second step is to acknowledge it. And the last step is to overcome it.
What you need to remember is that alcoholism, drug abuse, and physical and mental abuse are symptoms. Yes, they cause pain and suffering, but they are symptoms of something broken much deeper inside of the person.
Step one: Understanding the reasons behind the pain.
There are two major reasons. The first one is based on a subconscious need for survival. A child will look at her mother or father in their abusive behavior and say, “mother/ father I love you so much I will be just like you.” So the child matches the energy and pain of the family by shrinking down; by becoming less than who they could be.
By shrinking down to a smaller self the child will eventually match the size and energy of the family. At that point of matching, the child will become a part of the family. If a child starts out at 100 Watts of love, passion, caring and the family is only 25 Watts of energy then the child will have to shrink down to 25 W of energy to fit in with the family. For if the child doesn’t, it will never feel loved and it’s only option is to die or somehow be removed from the family unit.
The second major reason for child to follow in the parents’ pain and suffering is, “mother, father I love you so much I will show you how bad, bad really is.” This is a child who dives into the family pool of suffering. If the father or mother is a one bottle a week alcoholic, the child will become a three bottle a week alcoholic. Or the child may become a two bottle a week alcoholic and Meth user. This child is acting under magical thinking – the idea being, if mom and dad see how bad, bad really is they will get their act together and by doing so be happy. In return the child will have more happiness and safety in their life. This is not based on fact or even reality. It is based on the hope and love of the child for the parent.
I used Dr Gunderson few months ago when I was going through a bad time in my life. He really helped me understand some difficult issues I was carry around for years. I think he is very compassionate and has a relaxing personality. I felt very comfortable to talk to him from our first meeting , he also helped me prepare for a surgery I was very afraid of and the recovery was short and easy. Thank you so much.
Dr. Gunderson has been helping me figure out some of the problems I've had in dealing with my family. He gets right to the point without dragging things on like most counselors. When I think back I realize how much progress I've made and how much better I'm getting along with my family now, especially my mom.